Nothing Makes Sense Anymore



So I have a confession to make. Remember that time when I mentioned that I won’t watch a single Redskins game? Welp, I did watch some Redskins this year. Whenever my floor hockey teammates would go to Gordon Biersch in Rockville, they’ll have it on there. I try not to watch, but then Kirk Cousins started a rally against a fellow incompetent franchise and then screamed words to someone. I also watched an offense torch another fellow incompetent team that would fire their defensive coordinator, resuming his duties as the brother of that neighbor from Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

The most I ever paid attention to, turned out to be the majority of the second half of the Dallas game on Monday Night Football, because it seemed like they turned the corner. Surely enough, DeSean Jackson decided to do DeSean Jackson things and we would go on to lose to a Matt Cassel led team, who is still an NFL quarterback, apparently. Every time it seemed like the Redskins looked to do something right, it always seemed too good to be true. Then people on the radio were telling me to relax because the rest of our schedule was easy and the Redskins should beat all of them. But they don’t always beat all of them.

But then it turned out the Redskins did beat all of them. And they did it all with a quarterback that was a fourth round pick that turned the ball over too much and forced us to stop talking about somebody that should be our starter forever…and he finished 5th in quarterback rating, 6th in ESPN’s QBR and 6th in Football Outsider’s DVOA. They did it all with two middle linebackers that weren’t starting at the beginning of the season and DeAngelo Hall playing safety. They did it with some dude that hasn’t even turned 30 for an offensive coordinator. They did it with, apparently, one of the better draft classes this team has had in a long time.

It turns out our defense is still quite terrible by being in the bottom half in the league in most measures. They can’t cover anybody except scrub wide receivers and running backs in passing downs and they can’t stop the run according to DVOA, but they created enough sacks and turnovers (football’s lucky charms because it’s rarely a repeatable statistic from season to season) to help them through. It also turned out our offensive line wasn’t full of people with their heads on fire. They didn’t create any running lanes for our running backs, but they did what they needed to do to not let Cousins get sacked like Christian Hackenberg. For now, it’s ok to have our fifth overall pick left tackle play right guard and we should draft our one trillionth running back since 2011 because it’s all Alfred Morris’ and Matt Jones’ fault (Get out here Kevin Sheehan!!!).

I still wonder if it was less to do with the Redskins being good and more of the majority of teams in the NFL underachieving miserably, including today’s opponent. Green Bay can’t throw the ball without Jordy Nelson anymore. They also haven’t been able to stop anybody at a world class level since they won the Super Bowl. B.J. Raji doesn’t matter anymore and everyone hated Eddie Lacy in fantasy this year.

Even if the Redskins aren’t playing in the playoffs, I always like watching postseason football because there are no more meaningless games and shear idiocy on the football field the rest of the season. Even the teams that get creamed will come back not completely sucking next year, for the most part. Unless, it’s Washington. It still has been since their last Super Bowl title that this city has seen it’s football team make it to back-to-back postseasons; a measure that you would think is an easy one for any franchise that’s ever deemed good.

To see if this bunch of misfit toys can do it, I guess I’ll start watching my football team, full of continuous lawsuits ahead of them and all, for now. Just don’t ruin any of this in March, Dan Snyder. And until now, I’ll keep on quoting that famous quote from South Park’s rendition of Johnny Cochran.

“It does not make sense”!

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