Week 19 of the Nerdy 30: 30 Leap-seconds Trade Deadline Update

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screenshot from Wall Street Journal

With the trade deadline coming up, it’s time to take a look at all 30 NHL teams and see where they stand and what they need to do before February 29th at 3pm. Sometimes, there are days where I feel truly inspired to wax poetic and go in-depth with team I’m taking a look at on these weekly rankings. This is not one of them.

Instead, I decided to keep it brief and short. After all, that’s what us hockey fans love. We love jumping to conclusions and saying one sentence statements with an exclamation point to prove how smart we are. How long does it take to say a sentence? Roughly one second. So in honor of one of the funniest things I have watched on television last year, Bobby Cannavale’s celebration of his Leap Second (by the way…Vynil is a great TV Show, please watch it!!!) on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, I present you roughly 30 sentences of analysis in this week’s edition of the Nerdy 30.

  • 30. Buffalo (82-game Standings Points Pace: 74 points, Last Week: 30)

If you thought Brian Gionta is washed up, check out Josh Gorges for crying out loud.

  • 29. Columbus (Pace: 72 pts, LW: 29)
Apparently all it takes is trusting your prospects to play a little better. Too bad it took a Ryan Johansen trade to figure it out.
  • 28. Vancouver (Pace: 81 pts, LW: 28)
I’m sorry, why is Jim Benning trading away a solid prospect?
  • 27.Edmonton (Pace: 67 pts, LW: 25)

13 defensemen have been used this season….13!!! Also, poor Nail Yakupov

  • 26. Calgary (Pace: 76 pts, LW: 26)

Not only is Dennis Wideman in the middle of a long suspension, he’s not a good defenseman anymore.

  • 25. Ottawa (Pace: 86 pts, LW: 27)

Make that TWO competent defensemen the Senators have right now.

  • 24. Toronto (Pace: 71 pts, LW: 24)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

  • 23. Winnipeg (Pace: 75 pts, LW: 22)
If only they can stop going to the penalty box. But hey, Canadian hockey fans sure love their tough guys.
  • 22. Minnesota (Pace: 88 pts, LW: 23)

John Torchetti’s #s so far: 4-1-0 record, 107.8 PDO, 43.1% puck possession. Two of those numbers are not going to last long.

  • 21. Colorado (Pace: 89 pts, LW: 21)

Carl Soderberg, Blake Comeau and Shawn Matthias. That’s not a bad shutdown line.

  • 20. Arizona (Pace: 82 pts, LW: 20)
What kind of puns can we make for Louis Domingue?
  • 19. New Jersey (Pace : 90 pts, LW: 19)

Kyle Palmieri. A team leader in points.

  • 18. Philadelphia (Pace: 88 pts, LW: 18)
But can they not make any impulse buys ever again?
  • 17. Boston (Pace: 97 pts, LW: 17)

Zach Trotman and Brett Connolly. Apparently these are core pieces right now.

  • 16. New York Rangers (Pace: 101 pts, LW: 12)

Is Henrik Lundqvist an alien?

  • 15. Montreal (Pace: 85 pts, LW: 13)
If only Carey Price can get his sprained?Torn?sprained?Torn? ACL better, the Canadiens can finally contend for a Stanley Cup. In the meantime, I’m sure Michel Therrien won’t do anything irrational at all.
  • 14. St. Louis (Pace: 105 pts, LW: 16)

Get well soon Brian Elliott….FAST!!!

  • 13. Pittsburgh (Pace: 95 pts, LW: 15)

I think Mike Sullivan might be a good coach.

  • 12. Carolina (Pace: 89 pts, LW: 14)

Cam Ward. AHL goalie since 2013.

  • 11. Detroit (Pace: 95 pts, LW: 8)

Justin Abdelkader is overrated and Mike Green is underrated. What else is new?

  • 10. Nashville (Pace: 92 pts, LW: 10)

Anthony Bibetto…what a name!

  • 9. San Jose (Pace: 97 pts, LW: 9)

Of the 22 forwards they’ve used this season, can they find six for their third and fourth lines?

  • 8. Anaheim (Pace: 100 pts, LW: 11)
If they can juuuuuuust find a way to make Cam Fowler look good……
  • 7. New York Islanders (Pace: 100 pts, LW: 7)
If they could ever get their bottom defense pairing in order… Oh, and can they get 2010 Jaroslav Halak too?
  • 6. Florida (Pace: 104 pts, LW: 6)

Jaromir Jagr is going to curse the Caps again, isn’t he.

  • 5. Chicago (Pace: 107 pts, LW: 4)

Stop being so good! You’re supposed to be rebuilding.

  • 4. Tampa Bay (Pace: 98 pts, LW: 5)

Can they get their top line in order for another deep Stanley Cup finals run?

  • 3. Dallas (Pace: 110 pts, LW: 3)
Can the Stars be able to get one more defenseman who’s not over 30 years old and washed up and can handle defensive assignments?
  • 2. Washington (Pace: 128 pts, LW: 2)
Pardon me while I throw up.
  • 1. Los Angeles (Pace: 103 pts, LW: 1)
Barring bad luck, these are your 2016 Stanley Cup Champions.

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